Another football season in the books.
For those of you just tuning in, my husband is a college football coach (Offensive Coordinator to be exact). We’ve been together for 7.5 years, married for 1.5, and in that time, he has lived in Columbus, OH, Effingham, IL, Clarksville, TN, Johnstown, OH, Sewanee, TN, Meadville, PA, and now, Brunswick, Maine.
Yes, you’ve read that correctly; seven (wildly-sought-after-by-young-professionals) cities in seven years. I; however, only joined him in this metropolis adventure less than three years ago (long-distance, baby) and thus have only fully witnessed, in its entirety, the past three seasons.
Each year, I’m able to learn more and more about the important things. The significance of a 1st down, the fact that pass interference is subjective, and, of course, the true artistry that is a successful tailgate. But I’d say, for the first time since Braden and I have been together, this year has shown me what it truly means to be a great coach.
Braden has seen a lot in his career so far.
He’s been a part of programs who – in the most delicate terms – need help. They need a new spark, new leadership, new energy, and new culture. They need people who are confident and excited to help rebuild a program that’s consistently struggled. And let me tell you, this is no easy task. It’s mentally, physically, and emotionally all-consuming. This job is far from just being about you. In fact, the majority of the time it’s about putting yourself last. Does the rest of the coaching staff have what they need to be successful? Am I setting the players up to win? Am I creating an atmosphere that welcomes the rest of the school and the community? Am I making my family proud? And am I figuring out a way to balance education and athletics that allows for opportunities to thrive in both?
Can you imagine spending 100+ hours each week putting everything you have into a 60-minute game and not getting the outcome you worked for? Can you imagine doing that every week for 3-months? Can you imagine feeling like it’s something that YOU’RE doing that’s keeping the entire team from that outcome?
Can you imagine instead of letting defeat define you, you search for how you can change, adjust, improve, to hopefully set everyone else up for success the next week?
I have nothing but love for coaches. For the time, energy, emotional, physical, and mental effort they put into their craft. I know that most people in this world don’t know the half of it.
My husband is one of the main reasons why I started my own business.
I saw him seven years ago change his career on a whim from sports writing to coaching and go after it without a single hesitation. I saw him fail and succeed a million times only to get back up stronger.
I saw him spend hours upon hours watching film, scripting new plays, reading books, and doing whatever it takes to be the best coach he can be.
I saw him absolutely, without a stretch of a doubt, LOVE what he does.
Seeing that in him inspired me to do better. To live bigger. To dream greater. To just go for it.
And because of the leap I took almost a year ago to start my own business, I had a completely different perspective on his season this year and a completely new appreciation for his career of choice.
I use a paradigm with my clients that says, “there’s never failure; only feedback.” Meaning, every experience we have – good or bad – is an experience we’re meant to have so that we can LEARN something. You absolutely CANNOT fail if you do something out of love, passion, and inspiration. Even if on paper it looks like a failure. Even if you lost a game, or your program launch got zero participants, or you didn’t get the promotion; it’s not a sign of failure. It’s not a sign to tell you to stop. It’s just a challenge. It’s an OPPORTUNITY for growth. An opportunity to ask yourself, “what am I meant to learn here?” “How is this actually serving me?” “How can I use this to do better next time?”
If every time a coach lost a game or had a tough season and decided to quit, would we have any of the great coaches we have today?
If every time a potential client said they didn’t want to work with me, or now wasn’t a good time and I decided to shut down my business, what would that mean for all of the women who did say yes or who are planning on saying yes in the future?
If every time you receive negative feedback, or a roadblock gets sent your way, or you miss the deadline, forget to send an email, mess up a launch, etc. you just quit? What are you robbing yourself and the world from?
Instead, what if we used these challenges to our benefit? What if we used them as motivation, inspiration, and learning experiences?
What if BECAUSE we ‘failed’ we succeeded?
I’ve never owned a business before. This is my first go-around. I haven’t done everything perfectly. I’m learning every single day as I go and am simply trying things out. I’m allowing myself to fail. I’m allowing myself to make the ‘wrong’ decision. I’m allowing myself to do things that are scary. AND most importantly, I’m trusting that as long as I keep going, as long as I follow my inspiration, it will all be okay.
I firmly believe the experience we’re having is the experience we’re meant to be having, simply because it’s the experience we’re having (paraphrase from Eckhart Tolle). Slightly confusing way of saying, where you are RIGHT NOW is EXACTLY where you’re MEANT to be. Whether you’re thriving or struggling or anywhere in between. Give yourself grace and permission to be there. And to be grateful for everything that’s with you in this moment. For your family, friends, and your health. For a roof over your head and food on the table. For technology that allows us to connect and communicate instantly. For the mere ability to breathe without conscious effort.
To say I’m proud of my husband is an understatement.
Sometimes I wish his players could see him behind-the-scenes. Could see how much of himself he puts into their success. This life has no guarantees. It’s not stable, secure, or safe by any means. It’s constant ups and downs, late nights, early mornings, moving trucks, new towns, losing seasons, winning seasons, stress, joy, frustration, fun, happiness, doubt, risk, adventure, uncertainty, and everything in between.
If somehow any of the coaches in my life end up reading this…
…life, business, sports, teachers, and beyond, from the bottom of my heart I thank you. For every pep talk, every sprint, every scream, every cheer, every practice, every game, every win, every loss, every lesson, and every ounce of confidence and encouragement you instilled in me – I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have had these experiences with you – so, thank you a thousand times.
As we wrap up 2019, I want to take this as an opportunity to be grateful for my ‘failures’. To be grateful for all of the experiences that have led me to this very moment in time. Monday morning, November 11th, at 11:15am, on my couch, snuggled up with two blankets and a dog, writing this very blog post and thinking about all that’s yet to come for my business, Braden’s career, and our life together. It’s exciting to realize it’s truly only the beginning. That the best is yet to come.
That next year, November 11th, 2020, I could be writing to you all saying, “I told you so.”
So, allow yourself to be where you are. Sit where you’re sitting. See what you’re seeing. Feel what you’re feeling. And embrace the setbacks, the detours; the bumps in the road. Embrace the shakiness and unevenness. Embrace the uncertainty. For the greatest disservice someone could ever do is never reach their true potential simply because they feared what might happen if they failed.