What to do when leaving your loved ones is harder than you planned & how to navigate it.

Earlier this month I mentioned feeling sad about leaving home after Thanksgiving.

This has happened to me every time I’ve left home (CBUS, baby!) for the last few years since Braden and I have been together. I had been experiencing the hometown-blues for quite some time but didn’t realize what was happening until about a year ago.

I noticed a pattern, put the pieces together, and just kind of accepted the fact that the first 2-3 days after visiting home would be hard.

After spending a week in Columbus over the holiday, Braden and I made the 14-hour trek back to Maine the following Monday. I’m sitting in the car, watching Netflix with Wiley and all of a sudden I just started crying. I turned my head toward the window so Braden wouldn’t see – not because I was embarrassed, but because I didn’t know how to explain it.

I knew he’d ask what was wrong and I honestly didn’t know.

I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure around my business lately and with a new decade on the rise, there’s just a million things I’ve been thinking about, planning, and feeling overwhelmed about.

How am I going to grow? What are my goals? How am I going to achieve them? Are they even possible? It’s like I’m suffocating myself over something that hasn’t even happened yet.

I’m seeing what I want and I’m hiding under a rock because I don’t want to know what I have to do to get there.

A simple thing I always say to my clients, and of course, myself, is to step back, take a deep breath, and get curious. Knowing that it’s a beautiful thing to simply NOTICE how you’re feeling. That’s truly the first step.

So, I noticed I was feeling shitty – sad, overwhelmed, scared – and I took a step back and just breathed. When you’re all amped up, it’s hard to really understand what’s going on, so this is where deep breathing comes into play. This signals to your system that, hey, don’t worry, we’re all good here.

Now that I was in this calm state, I got curious and asked, “what else might be going on here?” Oh yeah, I just spent a week at home after not being there for 4.5 months, and now I’m leaving via a 14-hour drive in a rain/snowstorm. 

Great. Anything else? Well, it’s December now, and that reminds me that the new year is right around the corner and it’s also reminding me of some of my goals that I haven’t achieved yet. And it’s making me feel less than and defeated.

Well, of course, I’m crying, right?

So, then I ask myself if there’s any other perspective I could have on these thoughts.

Why am I sad when I leave home?

Well, because I love Columbus, I feel comfortable & safe there, I have so many good memories there, and all of my family and many of my best friends live here.

I realized, that I’m sad because of all these beautiful things I have to be grateful for.

It’s like that Winnie the Pooh quote, “how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Looking at it from this perspective allowed me to smile.

Then I dove into my anxiety around my business and the new year.

How else can I look at this?

Maybe this anxiety is coming from how passionate I am about helping other women find freedom in their bodies, around food, and with movement. Maybe it’s coming from the desire to be super successful at something I love to do. Maybe I’m the one creating this pressure and it’s not actually necessary. Maybe I haven’t achieved every single goal that I set last year, but maybe I’ve achieved many others that are just as important.

So, I asked myself what do I have to be proud of this year? What are all of the things I did in my life and in my business that brought me joy and helped me grow?

Again, a smile.

We focus so much on what’s happening on the surface and we don’t take the time to dig deeper into what’s REALLY going on.

Every behavior & experience has a POSITIVE intention.

Every behavior & experience is an OPPORTUNITY for growth.  

I believe there are two things we can control…

1.     Our mindset (what we think)

2.     Our actions (what we do)

We can’t control what other people think or what other people do. We can’t control when there’s a traffic jam, or if your car breaks down, or if your alarm doesn’t go off.

But we have COMPLETE control over what we think and what we do.

If I’m looking at a situation and I’m feeling sad and discouraged, that feeling is coming from a thought + an inner belief (story) that I’m telling myself. Something that’s saying I’m not good enough.

What is that belief?

Find it. Get curious. Break it down. Reframe it into something positive and empowering.

I can CHOOSE to have the mindset that leaving home is such a sad thing and to resign to the fact that I just have to feel down for 3 days afterward.

OR

I can CHOOSE to be grateful for all I have and for the fun week I got to experience with the people I love most in the world.

I can CHOOSE to stay in bed, to not do things that make me feel good, to surrender to overwhelm and not keeping pushing toward my goals.

OR

I can CHOOSE to take things one step at a time. To focus on my self-care. To root back into my beliefs about myself. To keep going.

I have complete control over my mindset and my actions.

The ‘easy’ thing to do is to not explore your choices and to just live in the mentality that things just happen to you and there’s nothing you can do. The ‘hard’ and productive thing to do is to get curious, allow yourself to feel, and face it head-on.

We have more power then we give ourselves credit for – and maybe that’s scary for some; I get that. But I just want you to know that the choice is out there and it’s available to you.

If this is really resonating with you, I’m opening up a few private coaching spots in January and I’d love to invite you to schedule a free coaching session with me to explore whether or not this program would be a good fit for you.

To learn more and to apply for your free session, click here: https://www.kathleenlayer.com/breakthrough-session

Supporting you always.

xoxo,

Kathleen